North Carolina and Gay Men

So I've decided to use this post to rant about the lack of available men in North Carolina. though it's less of availability and more about the fact that most men in North Carolina are on the DL (down low)and thus my prospects are seriously diminished add to the fact that I'm looking for someone in my age group the chances have dropped even more because those on the DL are far to cowardice to man up and be open about their sexuality which I find kind of ironic since the reason they won't man up is because their to afraid their friends will think they are less of a man wan in reality they already are. Why does this bother me you may ask because the number of openly gay males isn't very large and of that from what I found out most are bottoms like myself and I want a boyfriend who I can hold hands with while we walk around campus and not worry about if somebody sees us together and thinks he's gay and  being afraid of who they're going to tell.

Why Am I Still Single

I'm an attractive young black male.
I am not a jerk
I am brutely honest.
I'm sweet and considerate.

Guy Friends

This dude has reminded me exactly why I don't really have many male friends all he thinks about is sex sex sex. It's like shut the fuck up about your sex life you aren't fucking me so I really could careless actually I couldn't possibly careless but anyways, yeah he was insitant on telling me about this girl he fucked for three hours but that he doesn't like her and likes this other girl that live a resident hall away from him. Then he's like yeah I fucked her because she grabbed my dick. I was like just because a girl (wanted to say person *damn heterosexual males) grabs you dick doesn't mean you have to have sex with them then I was like I was not drunk enough for him to be groping me. had to throw in my gay moments.I really have to tell this kid I'm Gay/bi
for me there isn't much different but yeah I just wanna see if his head explodes when I do it.

Boys,Girls, and love

These boys be trippin hard on these girls they either complain about they don't have a girlfriend or the talking about how much they miss her when they aren't with here. Then there are those that are the opposite of them who just one go around fucking everything they think cute with a vag. that's not game hommie's that's call STD super highway. These boys need to learn you give a girl that much power she will break your heart and have you crawling back for more and for the others stop fucking around you ain't gangsta you look like a damn fool
and a hoe cause when you get old and your shit shrivel up and trust and believe it will shrivel up you ain't gonna have nobody assuming you make it to see your old age cause playing gangsta only gets you two things dead or in jail. Cause trust me when I say karma is a bitch that shouldn't be fucked with . Find some damn middle ground I'm not saying you need a completely new personality I'm just say you need to adjust your prospective because life is to short to be obsessing over girls and spend every night with a different girl who's name you won't even remember in the morning. Life's to short going through it alone or miserable is not the way.

Lord of Darkness

So I have a new crush which I'm not going to talk about though.
I woke up this morning in a emotional calm before the storm and then a couple of minutes ago the tidal wave hit and I haven't been able to do anything productive since then. Just waiting for the Real World to come on now.

Frat boys, friends and party

I just heard the worst fucking idea out of one of my suite mates 

Addiction

I have to addictions but truly neither of them are so terrible but they can be troublesome sometimes my first addiction is touch I have to touch people you not emotionally close to me unless you touch me and I've become so accustomed to touching people it's second nature to me at this point. My second addiction is to reading  this come vastly difficult when I run low on funds or new books to read. My first is has become so problematic now that I don't have people to touch on a regular basis and with that my mental state has begun to slowly decline and it makes it difficult for me to focus and task that require to much thought. I wouldn't have finished these last two post if I didn't have my Ipod blasting in my ears right now.

Relapse

I feel like the same damn kid that I was in high school alone and depressed ready for the end to come so very soon always so close to the edge of life and death that I really just wanted to jump. The same kid that couldn't wrap his head around the emotional warfare that high school is he took that emotional pain and turned into something physical by cutting himself something he could deal with. I feel like that kid again and I can't take living through that again there is no saving grace this time because this time when I reach the ledge I will not met it with hesitation but instead I will welcome it like and old friend and simply close my eyes and fall in to the dark abyss. There is so much I want to do with my life but I can't keep teetering on the ledge I just can't I barely made it through high school with my sanity intact but to try and relive it is far worse then going through it again. The horrors that I saw in this place sends chills down my spine at the thought and it is for this reason I will either do or die.

I May Be Bad But I'm Perfectly Good At It

So I've been given the silent treatment by a guy and all I want to know is if he was to work as a group for a class we have together and instead of answering me with a no he give me the fucking silent treatment I'm really trying to restrain my self but really you can you not just give me a straight fucking answer its a question not a brain teaser so just fucking answer the question. I'm really trying not to do the creepy thing and just text him about it because then I look like a crazy stalker kid and all I want is an answer. This is really aggravating shit in case you missed my annoyance at the situation.I just want to be _______ (insert title of post) and just explode.

Dating

So I'd really like to know what the hell is going on with my life do i have to be some scrawny little twig to find a relationship because if that what it take I might as well go jump from the clock tower now cause that ain't ever going to happen

First of Sept. 2011 3:41

So I'm seriously debating going home for the long weekend  but I don't wanna go home but I seriously need to get some of my clothes, my goggles, my workout shirts, and several other misc. items but i don't wanna me at home until Monday. But I don't wanna be in my room by myself all weekend.
On another note I shaved my face (I need a new razor) and now my face feels smooth I wonder how long that's going to last. I like it though I might have to start doing this more often.I need a cuddle buddy my at least for the weekend someone to watch movies with all weekend. I so love listening Glee the music namely The Warblers album. Love listening to Blaine(Darren Criss) sing.
I don't think I have anything else to say So peace much love and comment.

Relationships

It is official I must find and maintain a stable relationship before my mental state deterirerates any further because I'm not sure how much crazy I can get but I am sure the world can not handle me full blown crazy. Plus I creating relationships that shouldn't exist in the first place just sat here thinking about how good it would feel to spoon with #3on my list. and I haven't thought of him like that since high school. 

Anyways school has started back it alright i have nothing some afternoons and nothing some mornings

I've started going back to the gym yeah me

High School Couple

Ok so I had a crush on a couple she was near the perfect girl i'd date and he was close to fitting my type for guys and I was in love with them as a couple but now that they're not together they've lost some of the appeal it also doesn't help that one is dating someone and the other is married with a kid.

Memory Lane

While yes taking a trip down memory lane can be fun and nostalgic it can also be very dangerous especially if you were a depressed individual such as myself. This particular trip down memory lane was inspired by a former crush popping up on face book after several years. It nice to see how he's doing but I'm a little taken aback by the fact that he now has a 6 month old son at the age of 22. Am I the only person in the world that thinks that
Sex + Baby != Marriage. Maybe it's because we're in the south but still getting married just because you're having a baby with a person show poor judgement.

Unpretty

I have nothing inspirational today mostly because I feel Utpretty and i'm drained packing is such hard work. How is it that I can make friends with nearly anybody but I can't start a relationship really is it something about me that just keeps me from starting a relationship is it because I'm not completely over my crush or maybe it's my body image I have no idea.
Mr. trumpet player please exit my mind to the left you have over stayed your welcome I wish it was that easy

AwkwardMTV

So watching yesterdays episode of awkward so Jenna has a stalker and she thinks she paranoid have to admit stalker has a nice bod yet another reason for me to start  working out then I won't be so self conscious of my body. He's an Emo boy to add to it and crazy.

Dating

It is official I'm going to be an old maid when I grow up My little cousin is dating before me and I'm in college I should be out dating and having indiscriminate sex but no I'm a virgin that has never been on a date FMDL I won't take to much of this if I don't get a date by the end of 2012 I'm just giving the fuck up because after 22 years of life and never having a date I'm most likely not going to find a guy to date but I suppose I'm a victim of location But I refuse to settle just because I don't want to be alone I'll get cats before I settle for second best.

L.O.V.E

Sometimes I wonder whats really going on in my head because I almost always have crushes on straight boys. I feel like it because I'm a very touchy feely kind of person and they all have nice bodies and sometimes a nice personality to match but this is unheathy.

Me,Myself, and Dating

So I've come to the realization That the reason I've never been in a relationship is because I'm so afraid that I'll let someone in and that their break my heart but then that's why we have friends. Because your true friend is there to help you pick the pieces up.So I'm going to put myself out there really but myself out there because what's the point in life if you never risk anything it's time I started to live life outside of my shell.

Demon Sandwhich

So This started out as a statement from my friend Chris Thomas Who always said I'd be entertain by a half eaten sandwich. So I decided to give the sandwich a back story and was so thoroughly amused that I never seem to be able to finish reading without cracking up laughing thus it remains unfinished. Please enjoy reading Demon Sandwich

So This Guy for all purposes is me comes into a room and on the table is a sandwich a bologna sandwich so my friend who shall be Chris comes into the room and asks "Are you going to eat that?"

I say "No."

He eats half of it and buts it back when he sets it on the table it starts to move

Me being completely irrational says "Demon sandwich"

Chris says "Stop kidding around the tables just wobbling."

ME: that's the sandwich moving Chris

Chris: no it's not

Me: you just ate half of a moving sandwich

Chris: no i didn't

ME: That Sandwich is going to start kicking in you stomach

The sandwich reaches the edge of the table

Chris: See it was the table

Me: Chris look

The sandwich jumps off the table

I scream "DEMON SANDWICH"

So then our other friend Walks in

This friend is Lloyd

Me: Chris Ate a demon sandwich *snicker snicker snicker*

Chris: It wasn't Doing that a Minute ago

Lloyd: You Ate The Damn Demon sandwich Chris

Me: at least Half of it anyways

Lloyd: I'm Going to shoot it

Me: Go for it but if it comes after you I'm no good

Lloyd went and got a BB gun

he aims at the sandwich which is  slowly making its way to the window

He shoots the sand which in the middle

Me: um mm it's still moving

Chris: I concur

Lloyd: Fine

He shoots it again

Me: its not stopping

Chris: Its Turning around

Lloyd: Shit

Me: Bye guys been nice knowing you

Chris: says Where do you think your going

Lloyd:Oh no You don't

Me: I'm Leaving id rather not be eaten by a sandwich

 The Sandwich is running at Chris.

To be finished When I stop crying laughing

Gameboys are addictive

So I've done nothing productive the past three days because I've been playing Gameboy on my computer. I've finally tore myself forcibly  from play and now I'm listening to Selena Gomez's Love You Like A Love Song on repeat and thinking about how I thought I'd burned the bridges concerning all my past crushes but listening to this song there is one that keeps popping to mind Which is really bad considering he's straight and still lives in the state. (Dreading my classes 10 year Reunion) I'm off to do some writing 

Quality Time With Myself

I'm sitting here watching she's out of my league and I have to say his family is fucked the hell up They adopted his ex-girlfriend What the fuck. So I'm going to continue to sit here and watch and write.

Public education versus the government - Opinion - The East Carolinian - East Carolina University

Public education versus the government - Opinion - The East Carolinian - East Carolina University

New Project

I'm going to start a new project before I go back to school so that I have something to do other then homework while I'm in school. I've decide I'm going to write a novel I have no idea what it's going to be about and no idea where I'm going to start but I'm determined to have something concrete by the end of August and at least a good  portion of it done by the beginning of the year.
Feel free to leave suggestions and comments

High School

I'm going through my old year books looking to see who I did and didn't graduate with. I'm reading what people wrote in my high school yearbook and  come across an entry that says exactly "Wats up person - Mike Lewis" and I'm like what the fuck who write shit like that in someones year book.
The people I went to school really make me question their judgement but that  's not my problem anymore most of them have graduated at this point. 

New Thing

So I'm sitting here watching awkward and Saide Makes me wanna slap the taste out her mouth and WTF is wrong with Mattie like every other scene he's spelling his pits not an attractive quality. On to better things my day ways pretty tame I washed dishes cleaned chicken to fry tomorrow watered the garden  spent most of the morning in bed again got to get up and clean the storage shed tomorrow but that shouldn't take but like a couple of hours.
I'm sitting here listening to Animal (Glee version) and Do Ya Think I'm Sexy (Glee) version and thinking about my lack of a love life and blogging.
Sidenote : Darren Criss is so sexy
The non existence of my love life I blame partially on where I live, I blame some on the fact that I'm not built like a fucking twig or a juice head, and the rest I blame on the idiots that live in this state who apparently can't see a good thing when they see it.
Music update: Switch to Panic at the Disco
Except for the old dudes which truthfully I don't want to start my first relationship with someone who is old enough to be my father.

Social Networking

Hello cyber readers I know somebody has to be out there reading this maybe. I went about my usual social networking activities on Facebook and Twitter and I began thinking why am I doing this what is the fucking point. Not only do I feel that no one really reads what I post but I know no one does because then I'd have like 50 million comments on what I said. Even in my blogging I feel as if no one is reading what I write I might not write the best shit out there but it's nice every once and a while to know that somebody out there is reading what I have to say. Otherwise I'm just opening myself to the void of cyberspace which is a lot like regular space vast and lifeless. I'm beginning to feel as if I were to just disappear from social networking that nobody would notice let alone acknowledge that I existed in social networking in the first place.

No Good Comes From Porn

So I'm sitting here at like 1:30 in the morning staying up so me and my sister can take our parents to the airport and i'm sitting in my bed watching porn. Straight porn in fact I'm sitting here watching this dude fuck his girlfriend and then the ppl (people) they were partying with come in the room and are like "YA get that pussy, dig up in that pussy" and while yes the guy fucking is well hung I'm pretty sure that sex is the one place that a cheering section is not needed because in the end both sides win unless of course the sex was awful and then you don't need a cheering squad you need professional help. Also you really shouldn't be in the bed with the people who are fucking its like really.

On a completely different note I have a strange fascination with watching a man and a women fuck it's very interesting to me for what ever reason and it has nothing to do with my hormones I just like to watch a man and a women fuck.

Side note:  What is it about two girls making out that is so appealing to males I just don't get it.

Over The Top/ I Love Being Me

I know I'm a drama queen and throw everything out of proportion but lets face it sometime people like to get swept away with me because I can be very very good or like the song S&M "I can be bad and i'm perfectly good at it" Either way I'm the kind of ride were you never know what's around the corner. The other thing about me is that I'm a notorious flirt and  a big tease.
My friends are Fucking awesome other then the fact me and my bestie's monthly trips to Wal-Mart.
I'm such an Epic person that music does play during important moments in my life mostly because I define whats important so all the important things have music

My High School Love Life is a nutshell

So I'm bisexual and have never been on a single date before. I realized while I was younger that I was liked girls and boys. I became very aware of this when I use to fool around with my former best friend (I can't say his name  because i still love him in a way and I don't want to mess up his life) and I enjoyed it and it wasn't until I hit high school that I told my new female best friend that I was bi and she was like really(very sarcastically). She was my best friend for my entire freshman year. I had many crushes my freshman year none where more significant then Victor Saenz it was thanks to him that I developed an irrational fear. So it was the summer after my freshman year of high school and Myspace was still the popular social network and I had the bad taste and the balls to finally confessing that I had had a thing for him and to put it mildly he was very not ok with it, from then on I've kept my feeling to myself. It was until recently that i realized it was this moment in time that I  built the  impregnable ivory towers that surround my heart. The next significant event in my love life didn't happen until my senior year of high school when I told somebody that I thought I could trust the list of guys that I had a thing for at some point she then told two of the guys on the  list one Matt Hane and the other Brandon Demyer how then turned around and told the only person on the list that still went to school with us Will Mullen though I feel as if Will took it a lot better then Victor did.maybe because we had 3 classes together I don't know.